Leaving Autism

You become conditioned to respond to your child's needs the second they are born.

Baby cries, feed.

Baby cries, clothe.

Baby cries, hold.

When baby's language is delayed, her/his cries function as words.

The difference between cries and words from a communication perspective is that one triggers a much more primal response.

As mama, I feel primal responses on the regular, almost as frequently as I did while breastfeeding Dublin.

Dublin's communication default is often tears. 

He is four-years-old and I still want to feed, clothe, hold him to quell what both he and I are feeling when fountains fall from his eyes. 

Today, as I reflect on a plane to Washington D.C. for work,  I realize that leaving Dublin, leaving autism churns my gut, rattles my primal yearnings, makes me want to swaddle him in my arms all over again.