Sawly, the Elf

I am often challenged by doubts in my parenting style.

"Do I know enough about autism to provide for Dublin?"

"Is autism taking over Lily's childhood?"

Sometimes, these doubts find themselves pulsing in the smallest of our family holiday rituals. 

Every year, I find myself subconsciously beating myself up for not making a bigger spectacle out of the holidays. I scroll through Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest thinking, "Heidi, take a little more time out of your day! You'll be a better parent! Your child will have fonder memories of their childhoods!" 

So yah...this last Xmas, I decided that Sawly, our family elf, would not continue to do the forgotten dance, fumbling out of our hands into a cabinet, under the lamp shade, and on top of the toilet!!!

Noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year, Sawly was going to be calculated and mischievous and GET into things!

So...Sawly poured out our birthday sprinkles, ate our marshmallows, hung out in our oven, and played with our toys.

It was funny...at first.....

However, much to my alarm, a week into this, Lily stumbled out of our room in tears!

She cried, "I think the wrong elf came! That is not Sawly! This elf is not nice and sweet like Sawly!" Then, I had to make up a whoooooooooooole lie about how all of us go through mischievous phases and it will pass--"things like this always do!"

Then, for the rest of the day, I beat myself up for marring our family elf's character.

I beat myself up for not believing in myself, my parenting--for letting another family narrative get into mine.

Trust me when I write this, online social comparison will knock your family narrative sideways!

Catch yourself!

It's powerful!